Trauma-Informed Couples Therapy Using the NeuroAffective Relational Model

Couples Therapy for Betrayal Trauma, High-Conflict Relationships, and Attachment Wounds

Couples therapy using the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) is a trauma-informed, attachment-based approach designed to help couples heal relational trauma, rebuild emotional safety, and restore secure connection. This gentle, supportive approach is especially effective for couples navigating betrayal trauma, infidelity, chronic conflict, emotional disconnection, and long-standing attachment wounds, fostering hope for healing.

Rather than focusing solely on communication skills or surface-level behavior change, NARM couples therapy works with the nervous system, relational survival strategies, and attachment patterns that drive conflict, withdrawal, defensiveness, and power struggles in intimate relationships.

When Couples Therapy Can Help

Couples often seek therapy when they feel stuck in painful, repeating cycles that no amount of “talking it through” seems to fix. NARM-informed couples therapy may be helpful if you are experiencing:

Betrayal trauma or infidelity (emotional, sexual, or pornography-related)
High-conflict relationships with frequent arguments or shutdown
Loss of trust, safety, or emotional intimacy
Chronic resentment, anger, or emotional distance
Attachment wounds related to abandonment, rejection, or betrayal
Difficulty regulating emotions during conflict
Shame, blame, defensiveness, or withdrawal
Feeling disconnected despite wanting closeness

Many couples arrive feeling exhausted, hopeless, or unsure whether their relationship can heal. NARM offers a compassionate, non-pathologizing framework that helps couples understand why these patterns exist—and how to shift them safely.

Couples Therapy for Betrayal Trauma and Infidelity Recovery

Betrayal trauma profoundly impacts both partners and the relationship itself. Trust is shattered, emotional safety is compromised, and the nervous system often remains in a state of hypervigilance, fear, or shutdown.

NARM-informed couples therapy for betrayal trauma focuses on:

Stabilizing the nervous system after discovery or disclosure
Addressing trauma responses such as hypervigilance, avoidance, anger, or numbing
Creating emotional and relational safety before deeper processing
Understanding how betrayal impacts attachment and identity
Supporting accountability and repair without shaming
Rebuilding trust through consistency, boundaries, and attuned connection

This approach honors the reality that betrayal trauma is not just a relationship issue; it is a trauma response that requires careful pacing, safety, and attunement.

High-Conflict Couples Therapy: Breaking the Cycle

High-conflict couples often feel trapped in repeating arguments that escalate quickly and leave both partners feeling unseen, unheard, or unsafe. These cycles are rarely about the surface issue; they are driven by nervous system dysregulation and unresolved attachment wounds. NARM-informed couples therapy helps identify and slow down reactive conflict patterns, fostering emotional regulation and healthier engagement.

In NARM-informed couples therapy, we work to:

Identify and slow down reactive conflict patterns
Understand how each partner protects themselves in moments of threat
Increase emotional regulation and capacity for connection
Reduce blame and defensiveness
Build awareness of triggers and survival strategies
Support healthier, more grounded ways of engaging during conflict

As the nervous system stabilizes, couples often experience fewer explosive arguments and greater emotional clarity.

An Attachment-Focused, Nervous System-Based Approach

The NeuroAffective Relational Model is grounded in attachment theory, developmental trauma research, and neuroscience. NARM recognizes that many relationship struggles stem from early relational experiences that shaped how we learned to connect, protect, and survive.

Rather than asking, “What’s wrong with you?” NARM asks:

What happened that shaped these patterns?
How does your nervous system respond to closeness, conflict, or vulnerability?
What strategies were developed to maintain connection or avoid pain?

This approach helps couples move beyond shame and blame toward understanding, choice, and a sense of agency in their healing journey, empowering them to take control of their relational growth.

What Makes NARM Couples Therapy Different

NARM couples therapy differs from traditional models in several important ways:

Focuses on present-moment patterns rather than rehashing the past
Works bottom-up with the nervous system, not just cognition
Addresses attachment trauma without retraumatization
Avoids pathologizing either partner
Emphasizes identity, agency, and authentic connection
Supports long-term relational healing, not just symptom reduction

Couples often report feeling more grounded, less reactive, and more emotionally connected as therapy progresses.

What to Expect in Couples Therapy

Couples therapy sessions are collaborative, structured, and paced according to safety and readiness. Sessions may include:

Mapping relational patterns and triggers
Increasing awareness of nervous system responses
Learning how to pause and regulate during conflict
Exploring attachment needs and fears
Repairing ruptures and rebuilding trust
Strengthening emotional intimacy and connection

For betrayal trauma couples, therapy may include coordination with individual treatment and clear boundaries to support stabilization and healing.

Is Couples Therapy Right for You?

Couples therapy may be appropriate if both partners are willing to:

Show up honestly and engage in the process
Take responsibility for their part in relational patterns
Slow down reactivity and build awareness
Prioritizing emotional safety and healing

Even when one partner feels unsure or ambivalent, therapy can still be a valuable space for clarity, stabilization, and informed decision-making.

I offer trauma-informed couples therapy in Newport Beach and California, specializing in:

Betrayal trauma and infidelity recovery
High-conflict relationships
Attachment-based and nervous system-focused therapy
Sexual addiction and partner betrayal trauma
Complex relational trauma

My approach integrates NARM, attachment theory, and evidence-based trauma treatment to support big, sustainable relational change.

Schedule a Couples Therapy Consultation

If you and your partner are struggling with betrayal, conflict, or emotional disconnect, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Couples therapy can help you slow down, understand what’s happening beneath the surface, and move toward greater clarity, safety, and connection. Contact us to schedule a couple’s therapy consultation and begin your healing process.

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